Day 37: Working From Home….Yet A Day Off


Today marks the end of my first week working from home.  The first couple of days were really strange for me as I was used to a routine of getting up at 6.40am and then leaving the house at 7.35am-ish to get a lift to the office in Worcester City Centre with my parents as my Dad takes my Mum to work anyway, also in Worcester City Centre, and it made perfect sense for me to get a lift down with them as I don’t have a parking space at the office and it has saved me a fortune in parking and petrol costs.  There have been weeks where my car hasn’t moved from the driveway, but I will NOT give it up under ANY circumstances.  I hardly use it but I love the freedom of knowing it is there if I need it at any time, and that I can just get into my car anytime I want and go anywhere I want.  I used to have a red Renault Scenic and when I was with my ex husband we had a company together, and as we were travelling to the same office in his car he said I should sell my car as we only needed the one car between us.  I couldn’t fault his logic but I felt like my arm had been cut off when my car was sold, and I missed having my own car loads.  That said, I did to anything I could to not spend time with my ex husband because I was so unhappy with him, but now I’m remarried and happy again we do most things together, not everything, but I will never ever give up my own car if I can help it ever again.  It is taxed, the MOT is current and it is in perfect working order so even if it does sit on the drive for ages on end I don’t care, it is MY car and I can get in it and go anywhere whenever I want.

I felt a bit out of sorts to start with this week, as the alarm went off for when Russ had to get up for work and he got up to make me a coffee and let our dog out, which was extremely strange for me, as I was always the first one up to make coffee and let the dog out.  By the time I drank my coffee and was awake it was 7.20, and by the time I had a shower, was dressed and ready to start work it was 7.50am, and all I had to do was go to the office room, log on and get going.

I have to say though that despite all this I have been SO much more productive this week.  I was meant to have Friday off but a mix up meant that I had to work, a fact that my husband wasn’t too pleased about because he has booked Fridays in February off to use up the last of his holiday entitlement rather than lose it, except for the last Friday in February where he has half a day off.  Yet despite the fact I had to work I still managed to spend plenty of time with my husband and still work.  I woke up at 7.15am as my dog got me up wanting to be let outside, and by the time I did that I was awake so I went into my office and made a coffee, then went into the office and started work.  By the time lunchtime came around I had already done a few hours solid work so I had a break and we went to Costa with my Dad, and I stopped to see my Aunty on her 83rd birthday to drop off her card and presents, and I didn’t feel the slightest bit guilty that I’d had over an hour.  My husband sorted out a load of our old photos in the office on his PC while I worked and it felt like we were still doing stuff together, even though I was working on my day job and he was doing stuff he wanted to do.  It was a really good day and I didn’t finish until 6.30pm, and that was by choice because what I was doing didn’t feel like work.

There is a HUGE difference between being busy and being productive, and I honestly didn’t realise this until today.  I will be exploring this in more detail soon, but for now I’m just happy to have had such a productive and and happy day.

And the best part?

When we were cooking dinner my husband said, “I’ve had a really good and relaxing day today.”

That alone meant the absolute world to me.


Day 30: Changes…..


Today’s positive thing – from next Monday I will be working more from home. I’m really looking forward to it because I will get to spend more time with my German Shepherd Curley and keep her company, I will be able to stay in bed a little later in the mornings if I want to and I’ll be able to concentrate more on what I’m doing and have some background music on occasionally if I’m not on the phone.

After I lost Frankie I took 8 weeks maternity leave. I could have taken longer but I thought what’s the point of staying at home moping and thinking and brooding about what happened. It wouldn’t change anything and I thought it would be better for me to get back into a routine and being around other people. I’ve been able to meet my Dad in town at lunchtimes and meet friends as well, but now I’m ready to start working from home again, and as I am able to do so I am starting this from next Monday.

I’ve made a “happiness wall” in my office and created my own personal space, bought new speakers, a new chair and new stationery ready for when I start next week. My space feels creative, light and happy and I think I will be very happy when I start working from home properly next week.

I will still be going out for the odd meeting, and in my lunch hour a couple of times a week I will still be going to Costa with my Dad and able to meet friends in town.

It is a positive change, and one I am really looking forward to.

Day 29: A Realisation & “Eureka” Moment

f642586f342a3ae42f613079a83dec97I wrote yesterday about reading Paul McKenna’s new book and how it is helping me.  It seems it has helped me in more ways than one.

Many years ago when I was first with my ex-husband he got into something called Amway and selling their products while he was at University.  I never agreed with it or with the “pyramid” method of selling (even though they said it wasn’t pyramid, it certainly seemed like it to me) but one of the things he did was to take me to a weekend long conference they held at the NEC in Birmingham called “Dream Weekend”.

The weekend basically consisted of motivational speakers who had successfully become top Amway distributors but they didn’t just talk about how they had done it.  They also talked about positive affirmations, self belief, overcoming negative thoughts and how to deal with difficult and negative people who say things “can’t be done”.  I wasn’t at all interested in Amway or the products and could see the pitfalls of it straight away even though my ex couldn’t, and there has been lots and lots of things written about how the model never worked, a simple google search will bring up loads. But the speakers and what they talked about inspired me greatly.

So I tried to be interested in Amway to support my ex but all I really wanted was access to the books and training that were offered through something called International Business Systems which had the unfortunate acronym of IBS.  I read books like “The Magic Of Thinking Big”, “Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway”, “Even Eagles Need A Push” and so on.  My ex very quickly realised that Amway wasn’t for him (thank god!) but my love of these books stayed with me.

To this day I still have many of them and they adorn 3-4 shelves in my office at home.  I’ve added to them over the years and I’ve moved on to more business related and management books, and also to reading autobiographies and biographies by business people I admire including Richard Branson, Peter Jones, Deborah Meaden, Anita Roddick and more.  It seemed to me though that every time I was starting to build my confidence and self esteem up by reading these books something would happen to me or someone would say something to me that would bring me straight back down again.

I am nervous, self conscious, lacking in self esteem and self confidence – but I know I have all this in me because I feel it every time I dip into some of my books and positive affirmations.  Every so often over the years I have toyed with the idea of writing my own books, creating a website/online magazine and becoming a motivational speaker, teaching others how to set realistic goals and accomplish them, how to manage their time and so on.  But every time I’ve thought of this I’ve dismissed it because I thought that everyone who writes these things is okay mentally and I’m not.

And then my “eureka” moment happened.

There is a section in Paul McKenna’s book about how he has suffered from depression, anxiety, low self esteem and low confidence, and how he uses his OWN books and OWN techniques to overcome it.  I thought, what the hell am I waiting for, I can do this after all.  I think it is the very fact that I suffer from all of these things and that I’ve been through so much and come out of the other side that means I will be able to help other people because I have been there myself.

I am NOT going to do this right now, nor will it happen overnight. I have a lot more work to do on myself and a lot more resting and healing to do.  But it is a plan, a realistic plan and one that I feel happy and comfortable with.

Maybe this was my calling all along and will be my calling – who knows.  Only time will tell…..